Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
