We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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