3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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