i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
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