do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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