Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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