yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
did i just pee glitter
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
