You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
