Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
