Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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