I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There r osticjed everywhere
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
