Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
