Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
