What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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