My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
