he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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