im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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