She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
