Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
