And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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