Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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