Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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