Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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