I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
