The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
