Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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