I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
