we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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