Tell her she can't have a vagina
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
