dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize