I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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