Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
