So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize