I'm drive I can fine osifer
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
