i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
