Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
A bitchslap is in order.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
