Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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