I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
