"it" just moved
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
