Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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