You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We're too hungover to prance.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
