i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
