I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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