I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
