Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
