you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
