I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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