I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is her dick bigger than yours?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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