dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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