yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
