Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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