it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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