Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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