Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
