we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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