i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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