I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
