On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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