she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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