Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
