I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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