His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize