she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
