Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
