Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
