My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
