Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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