This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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