So drunk its hurt
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
