i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He called his prostate his "boner button".
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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